Wednesday, 27 January 2016

To my 14 year old self,

Oh how I wish I could time travel, how I wish I could go back to the nights you would spend crying and wishing for things that in time will come. Don’t take for granted the people in your life who truly care for you, your mom really does love you and it’ll take a few years a broken heart and more than a few conversations for you to realise that. For now though, cherish the person who is there because soon enough they’ll leave. Not completely, they will always be a phone call away, but those pep talks will end. Just don’t ever let go of that bond.

Stop trying to beat your sister. You are not her. She loves you, so stop screaming at each other, stop taking her clothes without asking and stop hating on her in your head. No one expects you to be her as much as you think they do, and they believe you are just as smart and will be just a independent in your own way. She’ll never show you just how much she loves you, but you’ll come to appreciate the little gestures as you grow up that show she cares. So only put your head in that textbook for you, you’ll be disappointed when those ‘big exams’ come around but you shouldn’t be, you did well accept the praise.

Friends, and I mean real friends will come. You’ll find someone in a year or two who becomes such an important friend for you, you’ll even fight your way into their life. Don’t take no for an answer, she will be the weirdest and greatest friend you will have. You will hurt for her, you will cry for her and she will be there for you for the next few years and maybe even longer. Stop making yourself miserable and ditch the bitches, you don’t need it.

Make the most of the “memories” with that unconditional friendship you have grown up confident that it will never fade, I wish I could say you won’t grow apart but that’s not necessarily true. People do grow up, but don’t let it go completely.

Stop listening to that Coldplay song, and you know what I mean you weirdo. Only turn those Christmas lights on if you’re going to smile.

You are beautiful, and it took yourself too long to realise it. You’ll still doubt it in years to come but never stop saying it, no matter how much you don’t believe it. Your goal of being skinny by the time your sixteen, it’s not going to happen. You’ll forge an inseparable bond with double cheeseburgers I’m afraid. Yet when you go to prom you’ll look stunning believe me. Also boys don’t hate you because you’re fat.
Leave your bedroom, wear that dress. There's nothing you'll regret more than the times you refused to go somewhere because you hated how (and you weren't by the way) ugly you are. You'll wonder why you cried so much over dresses and skirts that weren't enough to make you look beautiful, because you always were.

Boys. Oh my god if only I could slap you for every time you thought you would never be cuddled by a boy. All the way up to sixteen. Yes you will eventually kiss a boy don’t you worry. Yes boys will eventually take interest in you. Maybe the ones you grew up with just never saw you that way and never will, but you’ll find a whole new sea of male specimen but go easy on it. Be aware of the older boys, be careful with your dignity and your heart. But no regrets.

You will find love and it will be everything you thought it would be and worse, it will come to you in the most unexpected way and will overwhelm you. Just once that night you got drunk and took advantage of this new found interest from boys will work out for you, and don’t doubt yourself it’s not a joke. A boy will actually ask you out on a date, and trust me they’re quite a catch. Just remember in the future that your mom just wants the best for you, give up on the rebellion.

You will be happy, your days of sadness are numbered. New friends will bring you out of that rut, and they will make you happy.

You’ll meet a boy who will give you butterflies, and you will experience a broken heart but it’ll mend quicker than you think. Arguments are not the end of the world, or a relationship.

Most importantly one day you will find true friendships, cute boys who (i’m not joking) do want to kiss you and you will realise that you are gorgeous and that it is so important to believe that even during the times when you don’t want to.

Look forward to the future, you’ll look back and realise that you really had no clue about all the possibilities the world held, yes. Even for you.

This post has been sitting in my drafts for ages, and since the posts about Rome are taking longer to write I thought I would upload this in the mean time!

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